Friday, February 5, 2016

Super Bowl: Kayakers already claiming positions on waterway next to Levi's Stadium

Santa Clara, CA--The narrow, shallow San Tomas Aquinas Creek runs adjacent to Levi's Stadium at the southern end of San Francisco Bay. It is often called McCovey Cove South (Montana Cove has not caught on yet), referring to the part of the bay beyond the outfield wall of AT&T Park, home to the San Francisco Giants, where watercraft enthusiasts gather during the local nine's home games. Despite its small size, the San Tomas Aquinas Creek is expected to host hundreds, if not thousands, of kayakers on Sunday for Super Bowl 50. "I don't know," said Gary Mateo, a San Jose resident and 49ers fan, "what if a football is kicked or passed over the stands or something and into the creek? I want to recover that ball." The view from the creek's surface is not great, but water-loving fans meet just south of the Tasman Dr. overpass for many 49ers home games. "I come with my stand up paddle board for every game--standing gives a little better view of the Field of Jeans," said Mark Dallas, a programmer from Redwood City, CA. "I have recovered four home run balls in McCovey Cove. Now ... I want a football." One football fan will use a crane to lower a pontoon party boat into the creek on Saturday morning. "I can't wait. I confirmed the crane yesterday and I went food shopping this morning. I'm set," said the Oakland Raiders fan who would not give his name. "However, I do need a fishing net to recover any footballs that come our way."

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Report: Temple seeking to partner with Oakland Raiders on 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium in North Philadelphia

North Philadelphia--Several transit riders spotted Mark Davis exiting the Broad Street Subway at the Cecil B. Moore Station yesterday on the Temple University campus, where a man standing on the platform in a dark suit held a sign that read, "M. Davis." The two quickly climbed into a waiting Cooper Mini limousine at the surface and drove north on Broad St. Davis is the majority owner of the Oakland Raiders, son of legendary late owner, Al Davis. The Bay Area team team is looking for a new stadium, and a recent proposal to return the organization (as well as the Chargers) to Los Angeles is apparently dead. Yesterday, Temple officials half-heartedly denied reports that the university was looking to partner with the Raiders on a 65,000-seat, retractable-roof stadium at the center of campus (map above). "[Temple] loathes the situation at the Linc, so why would we seek out another NFL team?" said one school official, referring to the current lease agreement with the Eagles in South Philadelphia at Lincoln Financial Field. The report also hinted that a retractable roof is desired--by a certain school president--to make Temple a legitimate candidate to host future Super Bowls. Notes: The new Snohetta-designed library may be located at the site of the former William Penn High School. The planned expansive campus green will be located in Fairmont Park.

Saturday, January 16, 2016

Contract requires Kelly to wear jeans during 49ers home games

Updated Levi's Stadium agreement calling for entire coaching staff to sport Levi's new skinny jean style.

Monday, December 28, 2015

Year in Review: Mike Piazza talks baseball, infrastructure at Route 23 bridge ribbon cutting ceremony

Schuylkill Township, PA--In early October, the Route 23 bridge over the Pickering Creek opened to automobile traffic after nearly five months of reconstruction. A throng of celebrities and politicians attended the highly anticipated opening of the span, which carries 20,000 vehicles a day. Schuylkill Township's own Mike Piazza, the 12-time All-Star retired MLB catcher, gave the keynote speech at the opening ceremony. "Bridges are like a close play at home plate, they are crucial to communities. Bridges are like an intentional walk, they unite towns. Bridges are like a slider in the dirt that you block to prevent the runner on third from scoring the go-ahead run. But, most importantly, bridges, like baseball, bring us all together," said Piazza, to an estimated crowd of 2,500 onlookers, some sitting on folding chairs atop the adjacent Pickering dam. Former Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell lauded the new bridge, then led the lively crowd in the Philadelphia Eagles fight song: Fly, Eagles Fly. Movie director M. Night Shyamalan, who filmed portions of "The Happening" less than a mile east of the bridge in 2007, called the project a great addition to northern Chester County's infrastructure. (Shyamalan is making a documentary on the reconstruction of the bridge that he claims is "way better than 'The Happening' and has a surprise ending.")

Tuesday, December 22, 2015

Year in Review: Demand for Papal visit bike share passes crashes Indego website

Above: The Indego bike station on the 900 block of Chestnut Street in Philadelphia. In July, high traffic volume crashed the Indego bike share website during sales of the special Papal Pedal Passes. The passes allowed access to the 600 bicycles in the system, but only ten of the sixty stations during the Pope Francis visit on September 26 and 27. "Bikes did not stop at every station. Parking at the stations was limited so bike users were dropped off or took a shuttle to the stations. Passes were only good for the name of the station printed on the pass," said one official. The website was restored after one week giving the public a second chance to claim one of the 350,000 available Papal Pedal Passes. 

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Holiday party guests definitely noticed Sixers ornament on lower branch at back of tree

"I moved the ornament before the party started, but I think everyone saw it. I heard people whispering," said one party host.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Report: Bear Grylls offered Drew Brees tips on how to catch, eat animal mascots from 2015 schedule

Pelican Reef, LA--New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees appeared on the outdoor adventure television series "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" in early September in the Panama jungle. The British adventurer Bear Grylls and Brees teamed up to catch and eat a crocodile in the wild during the episode. At the conclusion of filming, Grylls insisted on to breaking down the Saints upcoming schedule to see what animal mascots the team would face. "[Bear] really got into it," said Brees. "He sat me down and went week by week through the schedule, and if the opponent was an animal mascot he spent, like, an hour on how to catch and eat that animal in the wild if the opportunity were ever to present itself. It was a little disturbing."

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Report: WMOF turned down millions to have PayPal as official sponsor of event: The PayPal Visit

WMOF officials wanted the Holy Father's visit to be known as the PayPal Papal Visit, but the online payment company held firm with PayPal Visit--negotiations broke down.

Friday, August 14, 2015

Valley Forge Park to begin country's first tick tagging & tracking program

Valley Forge National Historical Park, PA--A radical wildlife tracking program is set to begin later this month at the 3,500-acre park that straddles the border of Montgomery and Chester Counties. On August 27, scientists will begin catching, tagging, and releasing hundreds of ticks to better understand the park's expansive population of parasitic arachnids. "We want to know their movements, what animals and people they're mostly attaching to, what they eat," said tick expert Joanna Petrick, a professor at nearby Tredyffrin University. Technology has made this groundbreaking study possible, which is mostly being funded by a grant from the American Revolution Foundation. After catching each tick, a "microscopic tracker"--five times smaller than the diameter of a human hair--will be affixed to the back of each tick. One nearby resident, a financial adviser with no knowledge of the park's fauna, estimates the tick population at around five billion. "I'm basing that number on nothing other than there certainly seems like there are five billion ticks in Valley Forge Park," said the resident. Kids can log onto the park's website and track their favorite ticks, as staff will name the first one hundred tagged and released.

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Mayor insists that ad to 'come celebrate town's 241st Fourth of July parade' is no typo

"We declared our independence on July 4, 1774. Yep, we were the first--and actually had an elaborate parade that day--but it cost us dearly. About half the town was shot down by the creek the next morning."

Sunday, June 28, 2015

Nautical revelers very confused as Tall Ships Festival simply a model ship exhibition

"I thought they were going to be full-size ships, not models," said Dennis Harris, a Medford, NJ, resident. "I paid $85 for a 90-minute Delaware River cruise aboard a tall ship. How does that work? It's not the Small Ships Festival"

Friday, June 19, 2015

Papal Visit: Philadelphia, MontCo, ChesCo, to purchase lots of 15-passenger pedicabs for Schuylkill River Trail transport into, out of city

Philadelphia--Yesterday, the city, in partnership with Montgomery and Chester Counties, revealed an ambitious plan to turn forty miles of the popular Schuylkill River (multi-use) Trail into a "major transportation artery" for the Pope Francis visit in September. How? Pedicabs...lots of them. In fact, the three counties, using a $700K grant from the Papal People Partnership, will purchase two hundred, fifteen-passenger pedicycles to be used to (slowly) shuttle visitors into and out of the city on September 26 and 27. Pedicabs will leave from Pottstown, Spring City, Phoenixville, Oaks, Norristown, Conshohocken, Spring Mill, Manayunk, and East Falls. The journey from Pottstown to Center City, roughly forty miles, via the human-powered cabs could take about five hours--if all passengers are truly pedaling and there is a generous tailwind. No other bicycles will be permitted on the trail on September 26 and 27 to clear the way for the cabs. "This is really going to take the pressure off our roads and rails," said Gary Saint Jasperson, interim operating manager of the Ches-Mont Transportation Authority. "But the plan can only work if all fifteen passengers are pedaling." Additionally, the city and Septa announced that Paoli train station will be the only suburban rail station operating on the entire Septa regional rail network during the Saturday and Sunday of the World Meeting of Families. "If you live in Bucks County or New Jersey, for example, and you want to use regional rail to get into the city, you must drive to Paoli," said Saint Jasperson. "Yes, it will be crowded in Paoli, but we'll have plenty of orange cones set up. Really, we just purchased about seventy-five brand new orange cones."